Life after foreclosure

To those of you still mired in the foreclosure monster of doom, let me give you a word of encouragement from the far side of the tunnel.

The world doesn’t stop spinning because you lose your house.

I know that sounds a bit blunt, but I have to be honest. I went through the whole gamut of emotions that result when you realize that nothing you do will save the place that you are living and most likely consider home. From denial to anger to acceptance, I didn’t skip a single phase. I laughed, I cried, I screamed at the universe about how unfair it all was. I even questioned the sanity of homeownership as an institution. With this many people losing their homes, isn’t it kind of odd that the ultimate expression of ‘making it in America’ has always been purchasing a home?

The oddest aspect of the whole affair was how I was treated by people with whom I shared the truth. I had people who say they care about me shrug and walk away. I also had some wonderfully upbeat people enter my life. My wife and I sweated out many sleepless nights and the stress level became totally unbearable for a while. My average night’s sleep has been between 3.5 to 5 hours per night.

Sometimes a lot less.

I discovered something wonderful though. After calling everyone I could call. After reams of paperwork and loan modifications and strained phone conversations with strangers in different states – when everything seemed at its darkest ebb, I realized that we weren’t our home.

If you remain in one place long enough it becomes an extension of who you are. There’s nothing unusual about this. It extends to all areas of your life. Remember the phrase ‘You are what you eat’? -it’s the same thing with other aspects of life. Humans get used to all kinds of circumstances, situations and collusions. As a species we identify with the people and things that fill our lives. So it’s not a stretch to understand why so many people go through incredible pain and tribulation when it comes time to get a car or home repossessed. As a former tow truck driver I’ve seen firsthand how people act when you try to take things that they consider theirs. These events are often ugly, violent, and extremely human.

But what had to happen in order to keep my sanity and my family together was to realize and act on the fact that even though we loved our little house – ultimately, it’s just a house. A building with walls and windows. A hole in the ground that we throw our money into.

Our HOME is me, my wife, and our children. It also is made up of our true friends, close family and the interactions that make it all work. Our HOME is made of the time we spend together doing things that family does – living, loving, arguing, laughing, crying and growing together.

Should you find yourself in the unfortunate place remember something - you are a happy, loving individual. Probably with a family and friends who care a great deal about you. You probably have co-workers, church brothers and sisters, a mailman and the local 7/11 worker who care about you. (Even the guy or girl in the 7/11 cares more than your mortgage company - trust me). You are not a number on a balance sheet. You are not a statistic to be casually tossed around by some idiot on wall street or in Washington who’s trying to make a point. You won’t die and if you don’t give up and fold over you won’t even be homeless.

Remember to breathe.

And think! Never forget that you are able to work through any adversity so long as you don’t allow your mind to shut down. It’s true that you will lose your bearings from time to time. You will be afraid. You will be angry. Accept them for what they are, emotions responding to a stimulus, and then keep it moving.

You will be okay, trust and believe it.

Peace.