I’ve never been a person who lives by a specific code. What I mean is, I invent my life as I go (probably not a unique trait.) Some of that comes from my upbringing. I moved around a lot as a child and flexibility was the name of the game. It was pretty near impossible to form a hardened mindset about anything because I never knew where I would end up and what I would have to cope with.
While I do have a strong moral compass, I don’t possess a solid set of Dr Laura type principles to fall back on when things go south. To me that dichotomy is interesting and the focus of this article.
I have been called a ‘good guy’ by people I trust (not in a good way mind you). What I think they mean is that I have a tendency to go out of my way not to hurt people’s feelings. Don’t get me wrong, if I am actually slighted I will respond, but I don’t go to extra lengths to hurt someone I don’t know (or someone I know or that matter). I’ve also been told that I take on too many responsibilities and don’t let those around me help.
There are three reasons for this.
1. I don’t believe in having people do things for me that I am perfectly capable of doing myself.
2. There are some things that I know I am faster at and it makes no sense to watch someone struggle with an issue I can handle in three seconds.
3. I’m not interested in making extra work for myself when a task gets done incorrectly and then has to be redone or fixed. (I am not the sort to watch someone do something over and over again when it’s obvious they don’t get it.)
The above list isn’t a value set, but I can see how they could be interpreted as one.
Since I never developed a rock solid way of looking at everything around me I’ve been free to reinvent myself. One month I can wear all black and listen only to rap music. The next month I am wearing a brighter color and am only interested in classical. The point is I don’t see the value in locking my heart to change. A lot of what I do believe deep inside comes from this notion.
I believe in family. I believe in love. I believe in Coney Island dogs and big pretzels. I trust that God has a plan for everyone, but I probably don’t believe in God the way that you do. I have my own version of heaven and hell (just like I think everyone really does). I feel pain when I look at the starving children around the world, but I am also aware that I am shallow enough to probably never do anything to help them. I am wrapped up in my own cocoon of self pity and anguish at the same time that I also love this entire world and the blue sky.
Values are contradictions when you get right down to it. I have so many friends who talk a good game about supporting their families and community and then never do anything for either. I have lived my whole life around people who claim to have religious and sanctified hearts only to be out on Friday and Saturday night drinking everything in the club and chasing after someone else’s wife. News stories run almost every day about some parent beating their child to death so they could have their freedom. And I’ll bet that all these different kinds of people have one thing in common.
They all have a value system.
It might not match mine or yours, but it’s a system that works for them nonetheless. It allows them to justify everything that happens in their world. Just like you and I do. But if you listen to certain people on the radio and TV, or in your family for that matter, you are supposed to develop one way of looking at the world so that you will fit into society. The popular concept is that marching lock-step with those around you will help you achieve in life. But wait, if that were true then why are there so many malcontents and social misfits making millions of dollars per year? Somebody somewhere is keeping secrets…
So, of what use is a value system?
My personal belief is that what you value determines how your life will be spent. Human beings are notorious creatures of habit and we observe those habits regardless of the circumstances. If we value companionship enough then we have friends and acquaintances. If we value money above all else, we will find ways to have a fat wallet. If we desire to be alone, well, there are ways to make that happen as well.
Values change. Usually as a person ages and experiences more of life there is a dawning wisdom about the nature of the world. It isn’t always accurate. Like I said earlier we are creatures of habit and one of our major habits is interpreting the world around us through our own filters. But remember the truest things about experience – Garbage In, Garbage Out. If those filters are clogged with years of resentment and living lies then the perception will be colored by that. If the filter is based in a sanitized version of the world then the perception will be tainted as well.
I guess my point is, since not very many of us see the world as it truly is, how can we claim to have a set system of values designed to cope with it all? I’m not the smartest person alive, but I do recognize that my perception is colored by who I have ‘decided’ to be at any one stage in life. Since I’ve started down the path with this blog I’ve figured out a lot. However, what I’ve discovered is the more stuff I learn the more ignorant I realize I am. Somehow, I think it will take more than a locked scheme of values to help with that.
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