I find myself envying the people in my life who don't feel the need to clear their heads of the bullshit that's happened to them.
They are able to have a pretty regular life ignoring things like childhood rape, mental and emotional abuse, and other events both past and present that can stop life in its tracks.
For years I've been trying to find ways to overcome depression. It runs in my family pretty strongly (multiple members over dozens of years). Since I decided to do something about the depression I have discovered or developed plenty of tools to help me in the fight.
I feel that a person can't be whole unless they deal with the shit in their head. To my way of thinking if you don't deal with it, things come back around. Yeah, you may go years without having to think about that rape, or abuse you endured. You may go years and never deal with how you feel about your parents, your siblings or your best friend treating you like shit. But what happens on that one day when your control slips and you haven't learned how to handle it?
What happens when everything that has stunted your spirit rears its ugly head and bites the fuck out of you? What then?
I don't think its possible to go your whole life and never have anything bad haunt you. The present becomes the past pretty quickly and something that happened 20 years ago can suddenly feel like it happened yesterday. Damage stays with you even if you ignore it.
The question is simple, if you don't clear out your head do you end up having all of the life that you could have had? Do you realize your potential carrying tons of ignored baggage?
I wonder.
