It's a big world full of interesting things to do.

Trying to decide on any one path to follow is difficult. I mean, you have your values to guide you and making decisions should always be based on the things you believe, but remember, values do sometimes change. Just because an idea fit yesterday, doesn't mean that it always will.

I think we tend to grow into the people of each individual moment. And then when that moment is over, we grow into the next phase or level of who we are. In my short time I have watched dozens of friends and family change everything about who they are. Things like their attitudes about who they will and won't hang out with. Changes in the foods they eat and how much or how little exercise they get. Sexual orientation and marriage or no marriage. I've seen them jump in and out of relationships and move from one city to another.

Although they always stayed the same physical person, each change brought out something new in their personality and outlook on life. I guess its in the way we are wired. Change inspires a positive outlook. It also brings back the feeling of newness and endless possibility. This makes sense, without the inspiration of newness and discovery all of the great explorers of our time would probably have just been cabbage farmers or something.

Lately I've been wondering how to re-ignite that fire in my belly. The joy of discovery concerning the world. Travelling was one thing that always excited me. I've driven across the US 6 or 7 times over the years. I've seen parts of just about every state in the continental US and Alaska.

I know that the big thing in life is to find a home and put down roots. It's another one of those things that humans are hardwired to do. But, I also remember a phrase uttered by some unknown road warrior - "Not all who wander are lost." And I find myself taking those words to heart.

Putting down roots and staying in one place has its benefits, but what about the wanderer? What about the spirit that isn't bound to any one place or situation?

It's strange. I've never been able to determine which is right - living your life for yourself, or living your life in service to others.

I can see the benefits and drawbacks of both philosophies and its kind of maddening.

If you live your life selfishly - taking what the universe has to offer without much thought to other people - you are seen as shallow, vain or a boor. The simple desire to live your life on your own terms rubs people the wrong way for some reason. Even if you never intentionally harm another human being, this approach to life is somehow seen as lacking in morals.

But my question is, how else would you ever truly be happy? There is no one on the planet with the job of making you happy or satisfied with your daily life. That ball is totally in your court.

If you spend every minute worrying about what people think of you, do you ever truly grow?

Children are prime examples of this. A child will go out of his or her way to please an adult or another child. They do this for simple, human reasons. They want to be accepted and loved. The thought of being alone is frightening and to be avoided at all costs. But as the child grows they awaken to the understanding that other people have the same needs and desires. No one is alone. I think that in the 'average' child this process is where growth really happens. When you realize that you aren't much different from the guy down the street, that desire to run out and please people begins to fade. I don't know that it ever goes away completely. If it did lovers and friends wouldn't try so hard to outdo each other.

So you grow up some and realize that you have needs of your own to be met. Then what? This is where the problem comes in for me. I love doing things for other people. I love helping people reach their potential. It gives me a huge blast of energy when someone tells me "Thanks for all your help!"

But there are times when I'm helping others that I realize that my own needs are falling by the wayside. So which way is right?

Guess I'll just have to keep on keeping on until the answer becomes more apparent.

Peace.

Getting back to basics

It's strange.

I started this blog as a way to work out what I feel inside and discover ways to help me go forward in life. The problem is, I got caught up in the idea of writing 'articles' that might help other people and as a result I don't post half as much as I should.

I've also fallen into the habit of ignoring my own personal journaling. I've kept a journal on my laptop that runs back almost 6 years, yet when I glanced at it recently I realize that I haven't made a single entry for 2010.

Talking about how we feel inside isn't easy for lots of us. To a degree its not easy for me either. I only put a fraction of what's really going on in my head into this blog. That comes from a historical desire for some level of privacy and is normal. But in my own personal journal, that sits in a locked file on my personal laptop, I should be able to say whatever the hell I want.

And that's why I said strange at the start of this post. It's almost like I am afraid to really write down what's going on in my head. That sucks, I mean, really, if I can't be honest with myself then who can I be honest with?

So anyway, I intend to begin making more regular blog entries about the things that I am trying to develop into my 'philosophy' of life. I finally realize that despite who I know and how 'strong' or 'together' they may seem, they have their life and I have mine and that's the way it should be.

I had hoped that some kind of collaboration might eventually result from certain relationships that I've cultivated, but that hope is faded into a gray reality. When it comes to writing, I am on my own. So be it.

Time to get back to the basics of the story. Character, situation, plot, dialog and action. I'm never going to be a published author waiting around for someone to guide me through it. I used to believe strongly in the concept of finding a teacher to learn from so that I didn't have to reinvent the wheel at every turn. What I've found is that the best teacher is always your own heart and mind. People come and go out of your life. It's up to you to achieve your goals, no one will EVER do more for you than you will do for yourself.

You just have to be willing to trust what you feel and listen to the smallest voice inside you that never lies.

Peace