Honest change is just a painful nudge away

Someone suggested something to me that makes so much sense it's sickening.

The thing is, its not immediately apparent why the concept might work.

Lets start at the beginning. Most people make goals according to what they want. They see something, or hear something or feel something and then want to experience it again. They make their plans or create steps designed to bring them to the goal in the shortest amount of time.

Sometimes they make it and sometimes they don't. At our core we are pretty lazy animals. It's one of the reasons that we've created all of these 'modern conveniences'. Every advance in technology has been about making life 'easier' or 'safer'.

But here's the rub, since we are essentially lazy creatures meeting goals is tough if you simply consider only what you want. If you are in a place of comfort and security (relatively) its difficult to break away from that to go out, expend energy and achieve something new.

I think this is why more people fail to achieve their goals. They are 'comfortable' so they don't see a need to pursue new goals.

I was talking with a good friend and she said something that caught my attention because at first glance it appears wrong.

Her way of achieving goals is to consider what she doesn't want and then work towards making sure it doesn't happen.

As an example she decided that she didn't want to be buried in debt any more. She wasn't thinking about next year or even next month. RIGHT NOW her main pain point was that she was in debt and it hurt. When the pain got to be enough that she acted she worked out steps that took her down the path of more than just getting out of debt, she worked out how she could NEVER be in debt again.

Read that last line again.

I didn't say 'would never be in debt again' I said 'COULD never be in debt. She's decided that the pain of being in debt is so strong that she never wants to feel it again. Therefore in her mind whatever she chose to do would have to wipe out debt not only now, but going forward for the rest of her life.

She didn't do it by being positive and all of that shit. She did it because it was worth it not to feel that pain anymore.

I know this probably sounds like common sense to all of you enlightened folks out there, but to me this was nothing short of revelation.

I've tried the positive approach to things. I've listed my goals and set them to timelines. I've worked on the details and even achieved some of the smaller stuff. I've told others about certain goals as a way to 'keep me honest' and do you know what I've achieved?

Jack shit.

Okay, granted I'm not homeless, I have food to eat and my own growing business, but the reality is, if I'd met even half of the goals on the list I created when I was 25 I would be a rich man right now living on my sail boat in South East Alaska eating salmon and crab cakes and watching the sun set into the North Pacific. My money would come from my published novels and screen plays and at this moment I'd be considering whether I was going to sleep on the boat or in my bed at home.

Get the idea? All of that stuff is 'important' to me, but since I'm pretty comfortable where I am, its not important enough to go after with all of my energy. I could probably live out the rest of my life where I am relatively complacent because I'm not in enough pain to change.

But her way of doing things gave me a reality check. Maybe if I really want to change I need to look at the pain that not having my dream is causing me. Even if that pain is subtle and easy to ignore.

We do what we focus on. And if we are comfortable all we focus on is creating more of that comfort. The instant we become uncomfortable things begin to change. It's a physiological thing that's hard wired into us. If we get cold we go somewhere warm or make a fire. You get the idea so there's no point in me belaboring it.

So in order to make the changes that need to be made I realize that I have to start thinking about the pain. What hurts and what can I do to fix it.

See what having intelligent, caring friends can lead too?

Thanks, Belle...