There is a large family friendly park near my home that I've always enjoyed coming to. There are several baseball and football fields. A 1/4 mile track, a huge picknick/party area and the whole thing is wrapped by a 2 mile long bike/walking path.
It's one of the best places to come and switch off for an hour or two if you are so inclined.
And switching off is exactly what I need right now. Between the demands of my business and the demands of my newly awakened heart I can see how some people simply shut down and refuse to move when times get tough.
I haven't spent much time lately diving into my own head. In fact I've been purposely avoiding thinking about things at all. It's considerably less stressful to concentrate on repairing computer systems or mindlessly fixing broken things around the house than it is to get clear on what I want.
The only thing is, all of those things serve as a diversion at best.
I can only bury myself in computers for so long before my mind wanders back to the real deal - building a life that means something to me.
I wonder though, just what does 'mean something to me' even mean? Life is designed to be lived one day at a time. You can plan ahead for some things. Other things happen when they happen. A lot of life is up to the whims of fate and the universe. You can't control when you will die. You can't control the people around you. About the only thing that you have any control over is your own mind.
So, given that some portions of life are uncontrollable, where does that leave me?
I am building a business. That idea grew out of both a want and a need. I wanted to do my own thing and still make money. I needed to find ways to support myself and my family. So to the extent that it was my own idea that's a part of building a life that has meaning to me.
But at the same time I am at the whims of my clients. If they don't have work for me at that particular time I have to develop more ways to create income. I am forced to think in ways that wouldn't have occured to me as an employee. This is both good and bad.
It's good because the new way of thinking implies growth. Internal growth as a business owner/entrepreneur and a new level of maturity. I am not the same person I was when I started all of this two years ago. The idea of taking 'any old job' to pay the bills is now painful to me. I work harder to win the respect of my clients and I don't look back as much as I used to thinking about how easy it would be to just take a pay check to do the bare minimum. At the end of the day I have to live with how I feel about myself and its not worth selling out.
It's bad because I never really reach a consensus on the best way to do things. I discover and discard methods almost hourly. It's sometimes very frustrating because I can't just slip back into the mold of an employee - following someone elses procedures, even if I don't believe in them. I am left to my own devices to figure things out and if you've never had to do this let me tell you it can be very lonely and frightening. I can't use mentors every single time I need to make a decision. Life and business just don't work that way. You either learn to trust yourself or your essentially screwed.
And that's just the business portion of my day. I also am dealing with changes in my heart and mind about the life I've chosen.
I sometimes wonder if all people choose a life based on the things they are taught as a child. If you are told family is the most important thing, do you immediately start a family when you are old enough? If you are told that playing the field is the only way to be happy do you turn into a giggolo? If you are abused as a child, do you then turn around to abuse your children?
How many of us completely ignore our early training and strike out on our own? How many of us can simply ignore or overcome all of the bad or cruel things that happen just by strength of will? I'd love to meet the person who can just shake off everything and plunge ahead without dealing with any repercussions. What an incredible human being they must be.
The rest of us mere mortals must deal with life moment to moment. How would it feel to be able to trust intuition and feelings? How good would it feel to make a decision without later questioning if it was truly your idea or something that someone else put in your head.
Introspection in the park. Seems like that's exactly what I was trying to avoid, but like I said, the brain works in mysterious ways and no matter how much you might fight or try to ignore it, if there's a problem that needs solving you will come back to it until you either solve it or die.
Since I don't feel any incipient threats to mortality, I'd better get busy...
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Adding Amazon
I've decided to start learning about affiliate programs.
I don't know whether or not its a worthwhile venture, but residual income is the name of the game when it comes to building a real life now a-days.
Since there are only 24 hours in a day, it makes sense to use them wisely. No one can work all 24 hours and no one would want to. Hell, even if you could it wouldn't make you any more money.
Residual income works for you no matter what else is going on. That's the whole reason that writers do what they do. When you create a novel or screenplay you are paid upfront if you sell it. But over the course of time the residual income can add up to quite a bit more than you were initially paid.
Writers like Stephen King and Dean Koontz could stop writing right now and still be okay for the rest of their lives because of their past efforts. Guys like that keep writing only out of love for the craft. They have long passed any need for large influxes of money.
Anyone who does creative work dreams of the same thing in their lives. That one or two major hits that spawn an entire level of income that they can draw off of for years. And it builds on each success. Sell 9 novels and each novel will have its own income for several years after they are published.
Of course this is dependent on how well you negotiate your contract and how well you market yourself. The publisher will do some of that for you, but how successful you ultimately become is up to you.
There are dozens of creative commons authors who do their own advertising and marketing. As a result they have built a loyal fan base without the need for a huge marketing machine and the expenditure of lots of money.
People like Scott Sigler, Mur Lafferty, Chris Lester, J.C. Hutchins, Phil Rossi and more. They believe in their craft and believe in their ability to light up a crowd of fans with well written stories. It isn't about the flash and bluster. It's about building a legacy.
And believe me when I say that legacies always outlast the creator in the long run.
So I'll build my legacy one click at a time. When I start publishing I'll build it even more.
Never stop trying to be more than you are.
Peace
I don't know whether or not its a worthwhile venture, but residual income is the name of the game when it comes to building a real life now a-days.
Since there are only 24 hours in a day, it makes sense to use them wisely. No one can work all 24 hours and no one would want to. Hell, even if you could it wouldn't make you any more money.
Residual income works for you no matter what else is going on. That's the whole reason that writers do what they do. When you create a novel or screenplay you are paid upfront if you sell it. But over the course of time the residual income can add up to quite a bit more than you were initially paid.
Writers like Stephen King and Dean Koontz could stop writing right now and still be okay for the rest of their lives because of their past efforts. Guys like that keep writing only out of love for the craft. They have long passed any need for large influxes of money.
Anyone who does creative work dreams of the same thing in their lives. That one or two major hits that spawn an entire level of income that they can draw off of for years. And it builds on each success. Sell 9 novels and each novel will have its own income for several years after they are published.
Of course this is dependent on how well you negotiate your contract and how well you market yourself. The publisher will do some of that for you, but how successful you ultimately become is up to you.
There are dozens of creative commons authors who do their own advertising and marketing. As a result they have built a loyal fan base without the need for a huge marketing machine and the expenditure of lots of money.
People like Scott Sigler, Mur Lafferty, Chris Lester, J.C. Hutchins, Phil Rossi and more. They believe in their craft and believe in their ability to light up a crowd of fans with well written stories. It isn't about the flash and bluster. It's about building a legacy.
And believe me when I say that legacies always outlast the creator in the long run.
So I'll build my legacy one click at a time. When I start publishing I'll build it even more.
Never stop trying to be more than you are.
Peace
Friday, November 26, 2010
Writing is all about waking up
Recently I've woken up to a startling reality.
Writing is about connecting to people.
Now I know that sounds kind of 'Duh!', but you have to understand how the writing process has always gone for me.
When I first tried to write a story I did it intending to impress the people that I hung around. I never felt like part of the crowd. One of those 'on the outside looking in' things that lots of pre-teens go through.
It didn't help that I lived in the projects and the word 'Geek' hadn't even been invented yet. My efforts got me called much worse words than that.
Still, I persisted because I discovered that writing helped me make sense of the world around me. It wasn't quite so scary if I was able to explain things to myself through fiction. All of a sudden stuff started making a lot more sense.
I've always been a fan of monster movies and science fiction. Add in a healthy dose of Old Time Radio serials and it's easy to see that I was doomed from the get-go.
Writing is a natural outgrowth of that love. When you see things on the screen it's almost automatic to begin re-writing it in your mind. You see where things could be made better or more clear. The imagination is spurred in ways that wouldn't occur to you on your own(well, that's partly because most movies or serials were written by teams of writers).
I did discover early on that writing is hard. It's easy to plan out a story or get some idea of how it should go, but the actual act of sitting down to write something that you hope someone else will like is HARD.
It takes an understanding of how people operate to make your story work. If your characters are constantly doing something that normal ordinary people can't understand or connect with then they will not read the story.
I don't mean that your superhero has to be shown using the bathroom, but he or she had better have at least one flaw that makes them 'human' to balance out all of the high wire acrobatics. If the character is too far outside the understanding or credulity of the reader, it will turn them off.
Even Superman has his weaknesses and had the audacity to fall in love and get married.
I realize that writing is about waking up in a lot of ways. You have to be awake and aware of the world around you to write about it. Think about this, even the world of Narnia with its talking lions and Minotaurs has some basis in reality. There are mountains and snow. There are political intrigues and family betrayal. There is a sense of the possible occurring right alongside the utterly impossible.
If you want to write a political thriller, don't you think it would be a good idea to learn how governments and politics work? If you are writing a technology story, being aware of current advances will help when it comes time to extrapolate out the inner workings of your star ships drive systems.
Don't get me wrong, you don't have to earn a political science degree or become a rocket engineer, but you should understand the basics.
That's what I meant by being awake when writing. I think that a lot of the stuff I'm trying to do is getting better because I finally admitted to myself that writing in a vacuum isn't possible and there is no way I will find everything I need to know in a book.
I have to talk to people. Get an idea of how their mind works. Learn a bit of what they know and then extrapolate out. That's what makes good fiction.
Well, that and creating characters that are human and capable of being cared about. Think about it, how many movies or books have you gone through only to realize at the end that you didn't give a shit about any of the characters?
Yeah, its something to ponder all right. And something to be aware of when I sit down to create...
Peace
Writing is about connecting to people.
Now I know that sounds kind of 'Duh!', but you have to understand how the writing process has always gone for me.
When I first tried to write a story I did it intending to impress the people that I hung around. I never felt like part of the crowd. One of those 'on the outside looking in' things that lots of pre-teens go through.
It didn't help that I lived in the projects and the word 'Geek' hadn't even been invented yet. My efforts got me called much worse words than that.
Still, I persisted because I discovered that writing helped me make sense of the world around me. It wasn't quite so scary if I was able to explain things to myself through fiction. All of a sudden stuff started making a lot more sense.
I've always been a fan of monster movies and science fiction. Add in a healthy dose of Old Time Radio serials and it's easy to see that I was doomed from the get-go.
Writing is a natural outgrowth of that love. When you see things on the screen it's almost automatic to begin re-writing it in your mind. You see where things could be made better or more clear. The imagination is spurred in ways that wouldn't occur to you on your own(well, that's partly because most movies or serials were written by teams of writers).
I did discover early on that writing is hard. It's easy to plan out a story or get some idea of how it should go, but the actual act of sitting down to write something that you hope someone else will like is HARD.
It takes an understanding of how people operate to make your story work. If your characters are constantly doing something that normal ordinary people can't understand or connect with then they will not read the story.
I don't mean that your superhero has to be shown using the bathroom, but he or she had better have at least one flaw that makes them 'human' to balance out all of the high wire acrobatics. If the character is too far outside the understanding or credulity of the reader, it will turn them off.
Even Superman has his weaknesses and had the audacity to fall in love and get married.
I realize that writing is about waking up in a lot of ways. You have to be awake and aware of the world around you to write about it. Think about this, even the world of Narnia with its talking lions and Minotaurs has some basis in reality. There are mountains and snow. There are political intrigues and family betrayal. There is a sense of the possible occurring right alongside the utterly impossible.
If you want to write a political thriller, don't you think it would be a good idea to learn how governments and politics work? If you are writing a technology story, being aware of current advances will help when it comes time to extrapolate out the inner workings of your star ships drive systems.
Don't get me wrong, you don't have to earn a political science degree or become a rocket engineer, but you should understand the basics.
That's what I meant by being awake when writing. I think that a lot of the stuff I'm trying to do is getting better because I finally admitted to myself that writing in a vacuum isn't possible and there is no way I will find everything I need to know in a book.
I have to talk to people. Get an idea of how their mind works. Learn a bit of what they know and then extrapolate out. That's what makes good fiction.
Well, that and creating characters that are human and capable of being cared about. Think about it, how many movies or books have you gone through only to realize at the end that you didn't give a shit about any of the characters?
Yeah, its something to ponder all right. And something to be aware of when I sit down to create...
Peace
Monday, October 25, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
It's a big world full of interesting things to do.
Trying to decide on any one path to follow is difficult. I mean, you have your values to guide you and making decisions should always be based on the things you believe, but remember, values do sometimes change. Just because an idea fit yesterday, doesn't mean that it always will.
I think we tend to grow into the people of each individual moment. And then when that moment is over, we grow into the next phase or level of who we are. In my short time I have watched dozens of friends and family change everything about who they are. Things like their attitudes about who they will and won't hang out with. Changes in the foods they eat and how much or how little exercise they get. Sexual orientation and marriage or no marriage. I've seen them jump in and out of relationships and move from one city to another.
Although they always stayed the same physical person, each change brought out something new in their personality and outlook on life. I guess its in the way we are wired. Change inspires a positive outlook. It also brings back the feeling of newness and endless possibility. This makes sense, without the inspiration of newness and discovery all of the great explorers of our time would probably have just been cabbage farmers or something.
Lately I've been wondering how to re-ignite that fire in my belly. The joy of discovery concerning the world. Travelling was one thing that always excited me. I've driven across the US 6 or 7 times over the years. I've seen parts of just about every state in the continental US and Alaska.
I know that the big thing in life is to find a home and put down roots. It's another one of those things that humans are hardwired to do. But, I also remember a phrase uttered by some unknown road warrior - "Not all who wander are lost." And I find myself taking those words to heart.
Putting down roots and staying in one place has its benefits, but what about the wanderer? What about the spirit that isn't bound to any one place or situation?
Trying to decide on any one path to follow is difficult. I mean, you have your values to guide you and making decisions should always be based on the things you believe, but remember, values do sometimes change. Just because an idea fit yesterday, doesn't mean that it always will.
I think we tend to grow into the people of each individual moment. And then when that moment is over, we grow into the next phase or level of who we are. In my short time I have watched dozens of friends and family change everything about who they are. Things like their attitudes about who they will and won't hang out with. Changes in the foods they eat and how much or how little exercise they get. Sexual orientation and marriage or no marriage. I've seen them jump in and out of relationships and move from one city to another.
Although they always stayed the same physical person, each change brought out something new in their personality and outlook on life. I guess its in the way we are wired. Change inspires a positive outlook. It also brings back the feeling of newness and endless possibility. This makes sense, without the inspiration of newness and discovery all of the great explorers of our time would probably have just been cabbage farmers or something.
Lately I've been wondering how to re-ignite that fire in my belly. The joy of discovery concerning the world. Travelling was one thing that always excited me. I've driven across the US 6 or 7 times over the years. I've seen parts of just about every state in the continental US and Alaska.
I know that the big thing in life is to find a home and put down roots. It's another one of those things that humans are hardwired to do. But, I also remember a phrase uttered by some unknown road warrior - "Not all who wander are lost." And I find myself taking those words to heart.
Putting down roots and staying in one place has its benefits, but what about the wanderer? What about the spirit that isn't bound to any one place or situation?
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
It's strange. I've never been able to determine which is right - living your life for yourself, or living your life in service to others.
I can see the benefits and drawbacks of both philosophies and its kind of maddening.
If you live your life selfishly - taking what the universe has to offer without much thought to other people - you are seen as shallow, vain or a boor. The simple desire to live your life on your own terms rubs people the wrong way for some reason. Even if you never intentionally harm another human being, this approach to life is somehow seen as lacking in morals.
But my question is, how else would you ever truly be happy? There is no one on the planet with the job of making you happy or satisfied with your daily life. That ball is totally in your court.
If you spend every minute worrying about what people think of you, do you ever truly grow?
Children are prime examples of this. A child will go out of his or her way to please an adult or another child. They do this for simple, human reasons. They want to be accepted and loved. The thought of being alone is frightening and to be avoided at all costs. But as the child grows they awaken to the understanding that other people have the same needs and desires. No one is alone. I think that in the 'average' child this process is where growth really happens. When you realize that you aren't much different from the guy down the street, that desire to run out and please people begins to fade. I don't know that it ever goes away completely. If it did lovers and friends wouldn't try so hard to outdo each other.
So you grow up some and realize that you have needs of your own to be met. Then what? This is where the problem comes in for me. I love doing things for other people. I love helping people reach their potential. It gives me a huge blast of energy when someone tells me "Thanks for all your help!"
But there are times when I'm helping others that I realize that my own needs are falling by the wayside. So which way is right?
Guess I'll just have to keep on keeping on until the answer becomes more apparent.
Peace.
I can see the benefits and drawbacks of both philosophies and its kind of maddening.
If you live your life selfishly - taking what the universe has to offer without much thought to other people - you are seen as shallow, vain or a boor. The simple desire to live your life on your own terms rubs people the wrong way for some reason. Even if you never intentionally harm another human being, this approach to life is somehow seen as lacking in morals.
But my question is, how else would you ever truly be happy? There is no one on the planet with the job of making you happy or satisfied with your daily life. That ball is totally in your court.
If you spend every minute worrying about what people think of you, do you ever truly grow?
Children are prime examples of this. A child will go out of his or her way to please an adult or another child. They do this for simple, human reasons. They want to be accepted and loved. The thought of being alone is frightening and to be avoided at all costs. But as the child grows they awaken to the understanding that other people have the same needs and desires. No one is alone. I think that in the 'average' child this process is where growth really happens. When you realize that you aren't much different from the guy down the street, that desire to run out and please people begins to fade. I don't know that it ever goes away completely. If it did lovers and friends wouldn't try so hard to outdo each other.
So you grow up some and realize that you have needs of your own to be met. Then what? This is where the problem comes in for me. I love doing things for other people. I love helping people reach their potential. It gives me a huge blast of energy when someone tells me "Thanks for all your help!"
But there are times when I'm helping others that I realize that my own needs are falling by the wayside. So which way is right?
Guess I'll just have to keep on keeping on until the answer becomes more apparent.
Peace.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Getting back to basics
It's strange.
I started this blog as a way to work out what I feel inside and discover ways to help me go forward in life. The problem is, I got caught up in the idea of writing 'articles' that might help other people and as a result I don't post half as much as I should.
I've also fallen into the habit of ignoring my own personal journaling. I've kept a journal on my laptop that runs back almost 6 years, yet when I glanced at it recently I realize that I haven't made a single entry for 2010.
Talking about how we feel inside isn't easy for lots of us. To a degree its not easy for me either. I only put a fraction of what's really going on in my head into this blog. That comes from a historical desire for some level of privacy and is normal. But in my own personal journal, that sits in a locked file on my personal laptop, I should be able to say whatever the hell I want.
And that's why I said strange at the start of this post. It's almost like I am afraid to really write down what's going on in my head. That sucks, I mean, really, if I can't be honest with myself then who can I be honest with?
So anyway, I intend to begin making more regular blog entries about the things that I am trying to develop into my 'philosophy' of life. I finally realize that despite who I know and how 'strong' or 'together' they may seem, they have their life and I have mine and that's the way it should be.
I had hoped that some kind of collaboration might eventually result from certain relationships that I've cultivated, but that hope is faded into a gray reality. When it comes to writing, I am on my own. So be it.
Time to get back to the basics of the story. Character, situation, plot, dialog and action. I'm never going to be a published author waiting around for someone to guide me through it. I used to believe strongly in the concept of finding a teacher to learn from so that I didn't have to reinvent the wheel at every turn. What I've found is that the best teacher is always your own heart and mind. People come and go out of your life. It's up to you to achieve your goals, no one will EVER do more for you than you will do for yourself.
You just have to be willing to trust what you feel and listen to the smallest voice inside you that never lies.
Peace
I started this blog as a way to work out what I feel inside and discover ways to help me go forward in life. The problem is, I got caught up in the idea of writing 'articles' that might help other people and as a result I don't post half as much as I should.
I've also fallen into the habit of ignoring my own personal journaling. I've kept a journal on my laptop that runs back almost 6 years, yet when I glanced at it recently I realize that I haven't made a single entry for 2010.
Talking about how we feel inside isn't easy for lots of us. To a degree its not easy for me either. I only put a fraction of what's really going on in my head into this blog. That comes from a historical desire for some level of privacy and is normal. But in my own personal journal, that sits in a locked file on my personal laptop, I should be able to say whatever the hell I want.
And that's why I said strange at the start of this post. It's almost like I am afraid to really write down what's going on in my head. That sucks, I mean, really, if I can't be honest with myself then who can I be honest with?
So anyway, I intend to begin making more regular blog entries about the things that I am trying to develop into my 'philosophy' of life. I finally realize that despite who I know and how 'strong' or 'together' they may seem, they have their life and I have mine and that's the way it should be.
I had hoped that some kind of collaboration might eventually result from certain relationships that I've cultivated, but that hope is faded into a gray reality. When it comes to writing, I am on my own. So be it.
Time to get back to the basics of the story. Character, situation, plot, dialog and action. I'm never going to be a published author waiting around for someone to guide me through it. I used to believe strongly in the concept of finding a teacher to learn from so that I didn't have to reinvent the wheel at every turn. What I've found is that the best teacher is always your own heart and mind. People come and go out of your life. It's up to you to achieve your goals, no one will EVER do more for you than you will do for yourself.
You just have to be willing to trust what you feel and listen to the smallest voice inside you that never lies.
Peace
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