Finally - Focus and Truth

Anyone who knows me is aware that I am not a person who can make and keep resolutions. I tend to make up my mind about things slowly. It's a reaction to a childhood full of rash, often painful decisions.

It's been suggested that my taking time to think things through is a form of procrastination and even self doubt. While there is evidence to bear out both of those conclusions, they are far from the whole story.

I've recently accepted the fact about me that I am not really all that disposed to large changes in my life happening too quickly. I know people who seem to flit from situation to situation like a self destructive moth, but I can't imagine anything more polar opposite to me. I am a nester. I don't mind change in small bites, and I like my nest to be fairly orderly with 0 drama. There is only one place that I consider home (and no, Georgia is NOT it). Everywhere else is just a vacation spot.

So until I can get to that one place and finally put down the roots I so sorely desire, I've made some promises to myself. Not resolutions mind you, real concrete - time driven promises.
The first one is that I intend to honestly question everything I do for clues as to why I felt that action was necessary. If the action doesn't fit in with my values and goals it will not be repeated. In other words, I am working on no longer lying to myself. It's pretty amazing how many people I know lie to themselves about their lives on a daily basis. They tell themselves that they are happy and everything is fine, meanwhile the roof is on fire and the motherfucker is burning...

I'm no exception. I know for a fact that I lie to myself more than I lie to other people. I tell myself that a minor weight gain is natural and part of getting older. Part of that is true (which is why its so poisonous) but the reality is, my weight gain has more to do with me abusing my body with alcohol and not exercising more than anything else. Where is the lie in this? Knowing what I feel like right now, today, is a direct reflection of what I did to my body yesterday, but doing nothing to make it better. The lie is in telling myself that the headaches, weird body aches and other issues are not a problem. If something hurts and you act like it doesn't you are lying to yourself, and over time you can do some serious harm.

The second thing I promised myself is that I will write every day. Even if the stuff I write (fiction wise) really sucks ass. I have 5 novels in various stages of completion. One of which is more than 20 years old. I started the fucking thing when I was in High School. Another of those lies that I tell to myself - There will always be time to finish. And - The novel has to be perfect before I write it. And - This is the greatest piece of unmitigated bullshit that no one has ever read. And - well, you get the idea.

Once upon a time I set a daily word count for myself of 500. 500 words per day would give me a fairly good size novel in about 6 months. I set the bar that low because I didn't know if I could convince myself to write even that much. I kind of laugh at that now because I am frequently writing 2000 words or more in some of these posts. But, ah! Yet another lie! Although I am writing much longer posts here and elsewhere on the web, I haven't worked on a single word of fiction in over a month...

One of my novels, Hunter, has two first readers who are ready to beat me over the head with sticks because I left them hanging at chapter 11. Gotta do something about that.

Anyway, this was supposed to be a short post. Go over the two things that I promised myself. Make them known so that I HAVE to stay focused on the things I spend so much time telling people that I want. And I was supposed to put a list of the new blog here with a minor explanation.

So much for short. Of course I've always had diarrhea of the mouth. Just ask my Kindergarten teacher. (Really, she wrote it on my first report card - Talks too much)

Here are the other blogs -

The Oceanpedia www.oceanpedia.blogspot.com - This is an experiment aimed at an old project of mine about a website that contains all kinds of info about the ocean.

Hanley Communicator www.hanleycommunicator.blogspot.com - This is a new one designed to help me stay focused when it comes to building Hanley Communications, Not Your Average Geek and eventually Giggle & Twist (Umm, more on that later). I have a passion for developing businesses and ideas into money generating engines. Something tells me that I am not alone.

Sam Cooke is singing A Change is Gonna Come and I couldn't agree more.

Later