Remember playing the “What do you want to be when you grow up” game?
Ever figure it out? Yeah, me neither.
When I was young my first impulse was to be a scientist. I loved the idea of learning about the natural world and I was especially drawn to the stars. It would be cool, I thought, to be an astronaut and go to strange new worlds, to seek out new life and…whoops, sorry. Star Trek flashback. But anyway, I did a lot of studying about stellar bodies like black holes, various sized and colored stars, and Mars. I was stupid for Mars. To this day I’m not sure why.
I even calculated the exact speed of light in seconds. And how long it would take to get to Andromeda.
The names were magical, lyrical even. Super Nova, Large Magellanic Clouds, The Pleiades, Sol, the Plane of the Ecliptic. Words that carried power and mystery. Unfortunately, I got a little older and realized that being an astronaut was probably not something that I really wanted to pursue. It required entirely too much school and discipline. At 10 years old, discipline was not a ready concept in my world view. Being a scientist was still in though. And that’s when I turned my attention to the ocean. And Jacques-Yves Cousteau.
I know this sounds weird, but the man is one of my personal heroes. Right along with Captain Joshua Slocum and Captain Bill Pinkney. Men who realized the natural power and beauty of the oceans. And each time I went to the beach as a child it stirred my imagination like nothing ever had. To this day, being at the beach or on a sailboat is still one of my greatest thrills.
I thought that working as an oceanographer or ocean engineer would be the best thing ever. Once we moved to California I did research on how to become an ocean scientist. I talked to people who were on that career path in college. I even went so far as writing the phone numbers for Scripps and Woods Hole on the headboard of my bed. And when Bob Ballard made his discovery of the Titanic, I knew for ‘sure’.
Of course, life got in the way. I discovered sex. Once that happened, all bets were off. I stopped caring about science. I stopped caring about school altogether. It took me about 20 years to get over that nonsense and place sex where it really belongs – a sideline to life, not the end-all be-all.
Starting out as an oceanographer at 40 was out. At least for the immediate future. Having a family to raise puts your dreams into perspective. When the mortgage is due, dreams take a back seat to putting ass in chair and earning money. So now I fix computers, write things for people and sell stuff on eBay and I find other ways to bring in money. I have a lot of interests from music to sailboats so I think that’s why I was never able to really decide on a single course. It all looked so fascinating to me that I didn’t want to commit. I was afraid that if I committed to one thing, I would never experience the others. Of course the flip side of this problem is that I ended up not committing to anything. The only thing that ever stuck with me was writing and I couldn’t kill that no matter how hard I tried. And take my word for it, I tried.
The closest I ever came to giving up writing was after I met a true professional and realized that I wasn’t even close to being in his category. At the point that we met he’d already been writing for something like 20 years. He had stories that had appeared on the New York times list. He’d worked with some of the biggest names in Science Fiction, including Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle. He used to describe himself as the only fully functioning, heterosexual black male in science fiction. He wasn’t even slightly intimidating, but I was intimidated nonetheless. I really wanted to quit then, but it just wouldn’t go away. The little kid inside who wants to tell stories refuses to be quiet. Oh, well.
Enter podcasting, and a new way for me to get my stories out. Even if they aren’t publishable quality. I can write a story, polish it to my hearts content and then podcast it. It might be that no one ever hears it, but then again, you never know. And the discovery of podcasting led me to an unlikely inspiration. An author named Scott Sigler. I’m a low key person, so his style is over the top of what I would ever even try. But the energy and spirit were incredible. This led to other discoveries. Escape Pod, Mur Lafferty, JC Hutchins, Darker Projects, Pseudopod, The Drabblecast and about a thousand other venues for Science Fiction, Fantasy, Horror and business to business information.
This is where I currently find myself. Putting energy into new media and the whole idea of having ownership of my own brand. So much so that I built a studio in my garage and have been creating my own podcast series.
Guess what? It’s got me writing again. Every day I learn a bit more. Every day my stories get closer to being completed and out there for others to hear and enjoy.
Hmm. So maybe there was a way to commit to one thing after all...
Life has a funny way of moving you along from place to place. It doesn’t matter how hard you dig in your heels and scream. Things or events will come along and knock you from your ‘safe’ perch. For me it was the simple acquisition of an iPod and iTunes. For you it might be getting up in the morning and deciding to take a different route to work. Or maybe a little less sugar in your coffee. Try not to fight it too much when it happens. That just makes it take longer. Fate will not be denied. You will change.
From scientist to podcast wannabe. Cool.
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