Trust

Trust is a hard thing to come by.

When it comes to other people, it’s also one of the easiest things to lose.

When you start on an endeavor, you have to learn to trust your own instincts. Now, it is true that no man or woman is an island. It is also true that reinventing the wheel is a waste of time. But what isn’t true, never has been true, is that you have to rely on someone else to be your conscience when it comes to making decisions for your own life.

In the millions of decisions that you will make over the course of your life you will probably make thousands of mistakes. But here’s the best part, each of those mistakes are yours to make. They are unique to you and no one else. And even better, if you make those mistakes they are honest. You are not treading in someone else’s shoes, rehashing bullshit that they have already gone through.

No one will EVER be in your corner the way that you want. You will meet people by the dozens. Some will be friends. Some will be lovers. Some will offer advice and what seems like consent for you to be yourself. But the only person that can give you permission to succeed or fail is you.
Yep that’s right. No one is coming to your rescue. That is both a curse and a blessing.
As a child you are taught that your parents will fix everything (God willing you were gifted with parents). They make sure your boo-boos are patched. They scare away the boogie men from the closet. But once you are an adult, you are on your own.

It doesn’t matter how many friends you have. It doesn’t matter how much money you are worth. It doesn’t matter how many people work for you. At the end of the day, all you have is…you. Make the best of it.

No, all of your decisions won’t be correct. Probably more than a few will be spectacularly wrong. But at least they will be honest. You can’t rely on the advice of anyone else. Even the president, one of the most powerful people on the planet, is virtually alone when it comes time to make that decision to send other human beings into combat to die.

It’s not a bad thing though. When you make decisions for yourself you are exercising your right and responsibility as a thinking human being. Free will is what it’s about, even the bible says so. God or the universe or eternal energy, or Gaia (whatever) have willed to you the ability to make up your own mind about what is right for you. If you are a parent, you even get to do this for other human beings, but only for so long.

And this is what I meant at the beginning of this article. Your trust for your own ability to make decisions for yourself MUST outweigh the trust that you give another person. It doesn’t matter how much they claim or swear to be in your corner. As a living, thinking being you have to accept the fact that you are there specifically for you. Just like they are their for their own needs.

I don’t give a fuck if you’ve been married for 60 years. Your decisions will ultimately only affect YOU!

I know that all of this sounds incredibly obvious, but apparently it isn’t. I’ve known several dozen people in my life, me included, who tend to trust outside people before they trust themselves. I trusted my parents. I trusted my lovers. I trusted the professionals that I’ve known. And ultimately, the advice they gave was only words. Sometimes words of encouragement. Sometimes words of instruction. But still only words. It was up to me whether or not to accept them and trust the validity.

One of the reasons that I have enjoyed reaching into my 40’s is that the level of clarity that I’ve gotten about who I am is increasing. I don’t automatically accept other people’s bullshit as truth. I’ve learned to accept how I feel inside as the only barometer of what I should or shouldn’t do. It’s been very liberating.

Please don’t fuck up like I did and wait until you are in your 40’s or 50’s to accept the truth of life. You are in control. Not the forces outside of you.

Trust isn’t dead, but it shouldn’t be given lightly. And even when it is given, remember, you are the final authority on you. When you go into the casket, it will be alone, so why assume that someone knows what’s best for you better than you do?