Happiness...for real??

How do you gauge happiness? It’s one thing that I’ve always had problems defining in my own life.

Is how much money you have or who you sleep with a measure of happiness? In my experience - no. The buzz wears off fairly quickly with both of those. Money is just a tool. Once you get what you want with the tool, it’s served its purpose. And sex is the ultimate transitory delight. The glow lasts only as long as it takes to get to a shower.

So those two biggies aren’t capstones. They matter, but long term they aren’t everything.

Okay, how about health? Health is important on so many levels. How you treat yourself is tantamount to how you will treat everyone that you meet in your life. If your health doesn’t matter to you, chances are you don’t care about others either. Health includes a strong body and clear mind. Definite hallmarks of happiness. So there’s one.

What else is left? A high paying job. Really?

A job as a way to happiness seems like an oxymoron. Jobs are defined as –

1. a piece of work, esp. a specific task done as part of the routine of one's occupation or for an agreed price

2. a post of employment; full-time or part-time position

3. anything a person is expected or obliged to do; duty; responsibility

I don’t know about you, but I’ve never found duties or tasks to be particularly happy endeavors. While they can be fulfilling, they generally aren’t much fun. There are exceptions, like everything else in life. But the average tasks involved in holding a job are as far from fun as the sun is from the Earth. Not to mention that the average ‘high paying job’ also comes with high stress, long hours, skipped family events, perhaps long travel and the ever present potential for loneliness. If I have to choose between a 6 figure income that keeps me from seeing my children and wife, and a 5 figure income that has me coming home every night, well it’s plain to me. People have made due on less for thousands of years.

And I think that’s one of the best things about this current economic crisis. People are once again realizing that the simple things in life are usually the best. Being able to hold a barbeque for close friends and family on your deck during a sunny Saturday afternoon beats chasing after any amount of money.

Perhaps it’s naïve of me to think this way, but I really mean it. The ability to enjoy what I have instead of constantly running after more is probably the closest to a definition of happiness that makes sense. I’ve known a few people who are in the $200 - $300K earnings range, and though they have a lot of things, they always seem stressed out to me.

So jobs fall into the NO category. But just working through that knot brought up something useful. The ability to share time with friends and family can produce happiness. Even if your family is sometimes obnoxious. Heck, the last time I checked, I wasn’t perfect either.

How about things? Acquisitions, goodies, purchases, whatever you want to call them. Getting things seems to make some people really happy, right? New houses, multiple cars, trips all over the world, private jets and being able to rent out an entire club for the night. The essence of life portrayed in the Dirty South. I’m sure it makes people really happy all the time.

Whoops. I guess I forgot about the rap stars that are facing 30 years for gun charges. Oh, and I forgot about the sports stars who have incurable deadly diseases. Then there are the music superstars who put loaded shotguns in their mouths while high and pull the trigger with their toes. And not to be left out are the company CEO’s facing federal indictment for fraud. But, why wouldn’t they be happy? They have every material thing that a human (or any group of humans) would want. Surely they are happy. These are people who can buy and sell entire countries. They wipe their asses with $100 bills and spend my mortgage in the VIP room in less than 20 minutes. I’m sure I’ve missed something. These people must to be happy.

Right?

Okay, so I’ve covered money, sex, jobs and material wealth. What’s left?

How about family?

Yes it’s true; your family can help make you happy. I am usually most content when my children and my wife are at home getting on each other’s nerves, playing games, eating or otherwise interacting with each other. Despite all of my faults and empty spaces, I do truly love my little family. My kids have all of the sibling rivalry bells and whistles and the attendant drama. Arguments about food, clothes, the phone, the computers, more food, who left the mess in the kitchen, (and then more food), are common and to be honest - very welcome.

My household is alive and vibrant. Energy flows freely from these young adults who are finding their way in the world and I am very proud of all of them. My wife and I have a full relationship, laughing, loving, arguing, making up, cooking dinner and sitting on the couch together enjoying a movie. We travel a lot as a family and have managed to ‘collect’ quite a few state parks in the 7 years we’ve been in Georgia. We enjoy being outdoors just as much as in. So in the scheme of things we are pretty typical.

Every time I start to wonder if I will ever be happy, an image pops into my mind. We will sometimes eat dinner on a spread sheet in the living room. We’ve been doing this on and off since the kids were little. Usually this occurs when we are watching some sort of family movie. And then, after dinner is done, we all place bets on how long it will be before my wife falls asleep and misses the end of the movie. This little tableau always brings a smile to my face.

It’s at these moments when I feel closest to being happy. Of course, like everything else, the moment is transitory. Still, family gets a huge nod.

So let’s tally up:

Money, sex, jobs, things – 0
Wife & Kids, good health – 1

Seems like kind of a no brainer, eh?