The enemy...sleep

I've been getting back into meditation in a big way. Sleep has become a true enemy for me and I’m learning that’s not natural.

The issues with sleep go back to my teens. As far back as I can remember, my brain has been busy. I am ALWAYS thinking about something. Usually something that I can’t fix or isn’t really my problem. I sometimes obsess over the past. I will argue with my demons and try to work out deals with my inner self. I worry about money and my wife and kids. I run through conversations from weeks back. I wonder about the people who say they care about me but don’t show it. I think about my stories, the characters that populate them and ways to get it all down on paper. All of this is on a speed 8 track in my head and it runs at full sonic blast - all the time.

It wasn’t quite so bad in Utica. It still happened, but not quite on the scale it did once we moved to California. There was always so much going on and eventually I began to feel that time spent sleeping was wasted time.

Joining the Army only reinforced that way of thinking. There were many times when I was awake and moving for more than 36 hours at a stretch. I would grab three or four hours where I could, wake refreshed (or at least not groggy) and then continue on with my day.

Holding lots of jobs that required shift work from 1983 to now completed the equation. What started out as a voluntary reduction in my sleep hours has now become chronic. Even my body has gotten into the act. If I sleep more than 5 hours in a single stretch, I wake up with some pretty bad back pain. The pain doesn’t seem to be caused by anything physical. Two doctors on two different coasts have told me that my body is doing just fine. But the sleep deprivation goes on.

I only got concerned with it and began to think of it as a problem because of my wife’s reaction to me not sleeping. I did some reading and found that sleeping only 4 to 5 hours a night isn’t average and might not be healthy.

Severe prolonged lack of restful sleep can cause problems with the brain. It can adversely affect the body’s ability to metabolize glucose leading to adult onset diabetes. Not sleeping causes exacerbation of problems like:

· Depression
· Improper digestion
· Mood swings
· Decreased mental activity
· Memory loss
· Slowed reaction time
· Irritability
· Headaches
· Slow wound healing

So here I am, not thinking much of it and it’s a real problem.

That’s where meditation comes in. The meditation helps quiet my mind long enough for me to actually fall asleep. Now, if I stay asleep all night it’s sort of a miracle and I count myself lucky. What usually ends up happening is I will sleep about two or three hours and then wake up. I can sometimes get back to sleep, but any chance at actually getting rest is gone.

I’m working on a solution, but I think that I am quite a long way off. This didn’t develop overnight, so its going to take more than a few meditation sessions to make it go away.

The point of me saying all this was to warn you to guard your nights rest. Turn off your phones. Bolt the door. Play some soft ambient music in the background. (Whales singing works the best for me.) Find ways to quiet the voices in your head that are screaming at you about everything you didn’t do today. If it didn’t get done, there’s not much you can do at this point so let it go.

One trick I learned from another writer was to have a small notebook that you can commit all of the shouting too. Just before you crash for the night, write everything down that’s still working in your head. Get it all out. Yep, that’s right. All of it.

Eh? Yeah, even that…

All done? Okay, now close the book. Let it go. No, I mean it. Let it go. It’s in the book now. Safe.

Yesterday is over, tomorrow is a new day.

Sleep tight!